Right now I am tutoring three of them and often get calls from the others asking me how to do the homework. I like my friends, but I wish I had someone other than my mother to have an intellectual conversation with. Should I find new pals or tone down my abilities when I'm with them?
- Too Smart for Friends?
DEAR TOO SMART?: Rather than try to "dumb yourself down" with your classmates, ask your mother to help you find a special interest group where you can interact with other girls and boys who are also intellectually advanced. Many school districts offer special classes for gifted students. In addition, explore activities where you can simply let yourself go and have some fun - like sports, music, drama or art. You're a bright girl and you deserve some time to simply be carefree.
Dear lil girl: Lil girl, I know i'm supposed to be nice to you, what with you being a child and all, but ima let you know. you're lucky right now. you seem to be enrolled in a school where the kids don't know words like 'nerd' and 'lame' and... 'nerd'. in my day, you'd be lucky to have friends at all, much less friends who give you commemorative nicknames. because let's be real, you're kind of a nerd. and thats great, i like it when the kids kare about edukation, but it means you're going to have to make some adjustments. all nerds go through a period where they have to make a choice. the choice is simple: keep going the way you're going and you're gonna become a full fledged adult nerd with no friends and an unjustified superiority complex (me) or figure out how to interact with your peers (the normal kids). it's not about dumbing down your own mind, it's about learning how to be normal. you wanna be normal don't you? course you do. you live in America, we all wanna be normal. and hot. really hot and normal. with great sex lives. but not you! don't have sex! remember boys have cooties. tons of them. in the crotchtal area.
the point is this, separating you from normal kids isn't gonna make you cool or help you adjust, it's gonna make you insular and antisocial. hang out with your friends. suck up to the cool kids. you don't have to be a brainiac all the time. and get some better jokes. i suspect yours aren't smarter, their just... lamer.
DEAR ABBY: I always dreamed of having a formal black- and-white wedding. I have four bridesmaids who have very different shapes and sizes. It wasn't easy choosing a dress that would fit them all. I thought I was being fair by choosing the skirt length and letting them select from a few different styles of tops.
One of the girls is now telling me she refuses to wear what I selected. She says it is "ridiculous" to make her wear it, and it will make her look stupid. (They are normal- looking dresses, Abby, not outdated or too trendy.)
She has e-mailed me several pictures of dresses she likes, but I don't care for them. Am I being a Bridezilla, or does she need to learn some wedding etiquette? Should I stand my ground - after all, it is my day - and risk losing a friendship?
- Bride-to-be in Minnesota
DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: You would not be a Bridezilla to remind this young woman whose wedding it is. And when you do, tell her you do not want her to be uncomfortable and you will "understand" if she wishes to back out. Believe me, the last thing you need is for her to be pouting when the pictures are taken on your wedding day.
Dear Ready Your Pimp-Hand: I'm sorry, your friend must think she's me. i'm the only one giving unsolicited advice around here! there is no discussion to be had here. Your friend is what i like to refer to as 'a bitch'. Now don't get me wrong, she's probably right. of course the dress is ugly, it's a bridesmaid dress bitch! the only reason bridesmaids are there is to look like shit so the bride looks even better by comparison! it doesn't matter whether you do or don't like the dresses she emailed. it's your wedding and she needs to shut the fuck up and get in line. you didn't ask for her opinion, you asked her to be there for you on a very important day in your life. now, my official prognosis: ditch the bitch. but if you wanna be nice or something i suggest a very strongly worded phone conversation (so you can reserve the right to hang up on her ass) in which you tell her tell get it together or get to stepping.
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law bought me a pair of shoes while we were out shopping one afternoon. The boutique was pricey, but she insisted I get them. The next day I got a phone call from her saying she had "borrowing rights" because they cost more than she had expected. I was shocked about the price, too.
Now I'm embarrassed and wonder if I should reimburse her for half the cost, which I'm willing to do. What should I do?
- Stepping Out in San Antonio
DEAR STEPPING OUT: Your mother-in-law bought whom a pair of shoes? Unless her feet are the same size or smaller than yours, I do not recommend sharing them. Once you do they will be stretched and will no longer fit you properly.
Because she has let you know she covets the shoes, consider giving them to her. Alternatively, if they have never been worn, consider returning them to the shop where they were purchased. That way your impulsive M.I.L. can get her money back or a store credit.
dear Ditch the Bitch Pt. 2: first, ahahahaha stepping out! i just imagine you looking so fancy in a full length sequined gown with bea arthur shoulder pads and your crazy expensive shoes and the lens has crazy vaseline filter so you're totally shimmering down the san antonio streets.
or not, whatever. on the real though, is it I know that bitch didn't day around here? she must have lost her mind. you didn't even want the shoes and she made you get them. and then she's gonna call you and inform you that she can take them whenever she wants and strap them to big ass old lady feet? pienso que no. now, i applaud you for having a close relationship with some lady you're not even really related to, but there comes a time to shut it down. now if you wanna be nice, you can offer her some money, but be aware that she is tacky and she just might take it. whether she does or not, thats the end of the discussion. it's time to put your expensive ass foot down. she gave them to you, theyre yours.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable - and most frequently requested - poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby - Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Abbs writes poetry? what?! hot damn, time to break open that piggy bank!
You tell it Krabby
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