DEAR ABBY: Our oldest daughter is being married soon. When we pulled out our wedding album to show her our pictures, my mother-in-law, “Edith,” started laughing and said she hoped our daughter’s wedding would be better than ours was. Then she said our wedding had been “an embarrassment,” and she wished she hadn’t invited any of her friends to it!
Abby, her son and I have been married more than 25 years. This was the first time Edith has ever mentioned my “awful” wedding. My father-in-law tried to shut her up, but she went on and on about how she should have stepped in and “helped.”
My husband and I think his mother should apologize, but she says we are being “too sensitive.” My daughter is upset about it too.
We want Edith to be a part of our daughter’s wedding and festivities, but what kind of role should I allow her to have? I’m still angry and very, very hurt. — Mother of the Bride in Mississippi
DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: Could your mother-in-law have had one too many when she came out with her insensitive and rude revelation? Face it, had she truly wanted to “help,” it would have been as simple as her volunteering to do so.
While an apology should be forthcoming, don’t expect one. In labeling you “too sensitive,” Edith was blaming the person whose face she had slapped for reacting.
While your wish to have her be a part of your daughter’s wedding is laudable, the role I strongly recommend she play would be a nonspeaking one such as providing “something old, something new, something borrowed or something blue.” Period.
Dear M-I-crooked letter: (don't fake like you don't get the reference) I... don't even know where to start because this brings up a couple issues for me, primarily my love/hate relationship with old ladies. On the one hand, I fucking love old ladies. Betty White por ejemplo. Then on the other hand, we have alcoholic old bitties like your M.I.L. Abbs is being polite in asking, but I'm just gonna assume Doris or Eunice or whatever we're calling her had been hittin the Franzia pretty hard before you broke out the album. I get it, she's old. God knows when I'm that age ima do whatever the fuck i want. That said, she should shut the fuck up. That wedding was 25 yrs ago and if she really had something to say, she should have said it then. Speak now or forever shut the fuck up as the saying goes. But you know, my main question is, why was she even in your house smellin like champipple to begin with? You're planning your daughters wedding, what you need her dirty Depends wearing ass for anyway? Her job is to show up wearing sequins and shoulder pads, hit the open bar with a vengeance, and smile begrudgingly in the pictures. Thats it. Her opinion is neither needed nor requested. My advice: Remind her that yes your wedding was tacky it was the 80s that was the point and then show her that part in the legion trailer where they shoot that old lady who's mouthin off and climbing the walls. This is America and that is how we deal with uppity elders. Bitch best recognize.
DEAR ABBY: My older brother, “Gabe,” 51, lives in another state. He calls me and my other brother often, asking our advice and opinions on everything — work, parenting and his relationships.
What concerns me is that after torturing my brother and me for hours at a time, Gabe then calls our 70-year-old mother.
Despite our requests for him to stop burdening us all, especially Mom, Gabe persists. Mom doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she’s reached her limit.
Gabe sought professional help a few years ago, when he was having the same problem with a different woman. After three years of therapy his therapist — a priest — refused to treat him because it seemed like Gabe wasn’t listening.
What can Mom do to get some peace but spare his feelings? I believe my brother has an emotional disorder, but he refuses to get help or take medication. — Overwhelmed
DEAR OVERWHELMED: Gabe may indeed have an emotional problem. He may also be self-centered and in love with the sound of his own voice.
You and your brother need to impress upon your mother that her health must come first. And she needs to impress upon Gabe that her bedtime is (blank) p.m. and she will not stay up beyond that time. If necessary, she should unplug her phone.
As long as Gabe has you, your brother and your mother to drain to the point of exhaustion, I hope you realize he won’t seek the professional help he needs, so all of you need to finally draw the line.
Dear Damn Your Phone Bill Must Be Straight Up Redonkulous:
Ugh, is there any problem DC can't solve? Anyway. Yeah your brother might have enotional problems. Thats right enotional. He might just be an asshole. I don't know, I mean you grew up with him, what do you think? the fact that you mention that he won't take medication makes me think that you know there's something actually wrong and that there is a specific medicine he SHOULD be on, but isn't. No good. Or maybe this runs in your family. I mean, you decided to ask Abbs for advice at all hours of the night. Maybe this is you guys thing.
Now, Abbs being an old lady (see? one of the ones i love!) flipped out over the calling at all hours (which I'm pretty sure you didn't even mention. Abbs... something on your mind? Who is it exactly who's keeping YOU up?) but I being me am going to focus on something else. YOUR BROTHER IS FUCKING CRAZY AND YET HE'S DATING AND I'M NOT?!?! What the fuck kind of world is this? All the fucking crazies are getting laid and engaged and shit and here's lonely ass me sittin up here sane and single. that is some bullshit. Apparently all you gotta do is be crazy as fuck and you'll be headed down the aisle in no time! Alright, enough about me (is that even possible?)
I gotta say i'm also bothered by your referring to a priest as professional help. I'm all for people seeking religious counsel for religious matters. but this isn't a matter of Jesus, its a matter of asshole. Again I think you know this is an issue or you wouldve just left it as professional without qualifying it. (Um, back to me for a second cause i just noticed something... HE'S A FATHER TOO?! SOMEONE HAD CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN?! oh fuck it all to fuck, i'm done.)
Alright lets wrap it up. My advice and in conclusion: time to put the old foot down sistercakes. Tell Gabe to handle his shit on his own and if he can't, stress to him that there are people more qualified than you, your brother, your mother,or even his priest (who should have advised this to begin with) that he needs to see.
DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man I’ll call “Tom” for a year. Tom is attentive, caring, funny, self-sufficient and comes from a great family. In short, he’s everything a woman says she wants.
So why do I still constantly look at other men? I always worry that there’s someone better-suited to me and that I’m just settling. Tom is definitely the best man I’ve ever met, and he would make a wonderful husband and father one day. So, how do I learn to appreciate what I have? — Wandering Eye in Buffalo, N.Y.
DEAR WANDERING EYE: Tom may be everything a woman says she wants, but your intuition may be telling you that he isn’t what YOU want. Ask yourself what quality Tom is lacking that causes you to look at other men with an eye to trading up, because until you figure that out, you will never be satisfied.
Dear Cheting Wif Ur Eyezz: Abbs is wrong. Just flat out wrong. There is nothing wrong with Tom and he's certainly not lacking anything. The problem is you. I think there's a couple things that could be going on here. First, you're 25. You may feel like 25 is too young to settle down. Abbs is like 94 so that would never occur to her (generational thing. great depression and all). Second, you might have issues with monogamy. Sounds like you aren't looking at other men for their qualities, just their packages. It also bothers me that in all the things you say Tom is, attractive isn't one of them. What up with that, girl? You do think he's attractive, right? right?
Anyway, whatever the issue, figure your shit out and talk to Tom about it. You owe it to him to be honest instead of solving your issues by masturbating furtively in the bathroom with visions of the hot mailroom clerk (best i could do) dancing in your head.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby .com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Dear Abby runs Monday through Saturday.
Ew. abbs is in LA? Guess she's part of that liberal media elite i've been hearing about.
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